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Are Sexual Fantasies Abnormal?

As kids, we tend to fantasize about plenty of things. We impersonate heroes, supermen, people we admire or idolize, we credit ourselves with superpowers. As we grow older childish daydreams vanish into thin air leaving a permanent imprint on our grown-up identities.

The love life and sex first also come in fantasies largely contributing to the development of our sexual identity for good. Research indicates that our erotic interests are the result of events stemming from childhood. You might have been a witness how your mother/sister/aunt was pulling on stockings, it could have held a strong emotional appeal for you – and now you are crazy about having sex with women wearing stockings or get turned on at the very thought about female legs in thigh-highs. Sure, you are not likely to realize it but the fetish persists.

But how much do we really know about our fantasies which are a constituent part of our libido, that sexual, vital energy graphically portrayed in the works of Sigmund Freud?

Cultivating Erotic Identity

A lot of people feel ashamed of their erotic fantasies. But actually they speak volumes about your nature and may be exploited as a considerable resource.

Sexual daydreaming molds your erotic identity that bears knowledge of all the sexual desires, drives and attractions. Sex fantasies make you well aware of your own body, its likes, preferences, do’s and dont’s.

Sex fantasies are:

-A reflector of our sexual orientation;
-A marker that our sexual energy is vibrant and alive;
-The more vivid and versatile your fantasies are, the higher the potential of your libido;
-The fulfillment of sex fantasies with your partner cements the relationship, without having to seek it elsewhere;
-Fantasizing about sex complements your identity enabling you to fathom your true nature.

Consequently, we have to study own fantasies and decide which of them may be brought into life with your partner and which are best left as fantasies.

The Gamut Of Sex Fantasies

As is said, there are usually four people having sex at the same time: the two people occupying space in the bed and the two people they’re thinking of.

People fantasize to make routines more vivid, to give their sexual energy an outlet that can’t be met in real life. Very often in your sexual fantasies, you perform a starring role – the one that you would never agree to take in the outward life. Less often people fantasize about watching others having intercourse or vice versa – that is voyeurism and exhibitionism respectively.

To name a few, people frequently fantasize about:

1. Orgies / crowd scenes / gang-bang
2. Plots in certain settings with certain social roles (teacher-student, patient-doctor, neighbors etc).
3. All that hurty stuff (flogging, spanking, tying somebody up or being tied up etc)
4. Sexual violence or humiliation scenes
5. Public sex scenes
6. Interracial sex
7. Homosexual fantasies of heterosexuals
8. Use of different toys, sometimes unthinkable objects
9. Animals
10. Swinging (that is switching partners in couples)
11. Fantasizing about somebody you get hot for but know you’ll never be together (a golden dream or unattainable goal)
12. Astonishingly reckless sex plots you’ll never dare to fulfill in your real sex life
13. Rougher, wilder, kinkier sex outside a relationship
14. Rape or dirty sex

Exotic Preference Or Pathology?

When it comes to sexuality, there is no standard of normality. Still, there are some fantasies that strike with their depravity. Drinking urine, obsession about the usage of objects to injure inguinal areas, pedophilia, sadism, masochism, fetishism, frotteurism (rubbing genitals against other people in public places), transvestism – these deviant behavior patterns are defined as paraphilia, and have their causes.

Perversions can be manifold in their forms but are united by common triggers. The predisposing factors are:
-psychosexual traumas (very often stemming from childhood)
-difficulty forming stable sexual relationships with a partner (fear of establishing intimacy)
-physiological impairments

It’s not on us to judge, but the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders qualifies the mentioned sexual preferences as serious mental disorders.

The Not-Guilty Verdict

You should not feel any guilt or shame because of your nature. Unless you get totally fixated on the fulfillment of your sometimes deprave daydreams and do no social harm – don’t let that worry you. Sexual fantasies may erupt at any time and be of any character. You have to understand which fantasies may be fulfilled and which are better to be left as fantasies.

Other Keys To Knowing Your Body

How can you expect sexual gratification from your partner if you haven’t studied your own body and loved it?

Don’t knock masturbation — it’s sex with someone I love. Woody Allen

You first truly explore your body and erotic identity masturbating at a rather young age. It is called solo sex that entails no negative repercussions but mostly easily and quickly helps to relieve sexual tension (in particular, when you currently don’t have a partner), alleviate some stress and bring relaxation. Additionally, masturbation helps to balance a wide discrepancy in sexual constitution of the couple.


X-rated content may often serve as a sexual aid in a number of pathological situations. Somebody requires more sexual stimulation, especially as they grow older. Somebody needs to diversify their patterned ways of having sex.
Again, porn may be a way of satisfying sexual fantasies which you find hard to discuss with your partner and realize in routine life. Pornotherapy recommends watching home sex tapes, as professional video involves acting with help of different erection and sex boosters, and it sharply differs from real sexual prowess.

Unless you are addicted to watching porn, that is centering your life around the possibility of watching a new porn series, – everything is alright and it may hardly disrupt your mental health.

Sex Toys

These objects largely enhance sexual enjoyment if disposed of wisely. Usage of sex toys signifies your readiness to explore novel facets of intimacy, refine your mastery, maintain burning desire and passion. The decision of a couple to use sex toys testifies to their open and sincere communication, or helps to establish such.

Free From Prejudice

We often get in thrall of taboos, social bias and judgment. They restrict our nature and breed even more desires of deviant character. You should not hold back your sex drive – it’s your unique vital energy that may work miracles in your life, make you happier, more effective and satisfied.

Act out those fantasies which your partner eagerly jumps at. Yet, be aware that not all you’re fantasizing about may bring you sheer pleasure in real life. Be curious about your body, learn it with attention and care, discover what may bring you genuine pleasure. And remember that before taking a leap into kink practices, you’ll have to negotiate much at the start so that everything is consensual and brings joy to all the role-players. Open communication in sexual life is just as important as in social. So, find the one you can establish a sincere dialog with and fulfill the sexual fantasies which both of you consider a norm.