Infidelity Without Sex: Do Emotions Make You A Cheater?
“There was nothing going on!”, “You’re paranoiac!” , – you fiercely defend.
You must have a point, as no sex – no cheating? No cheating – no accusations – no feeling guilty? This chain seems quite logical.
But what about emotional affairs that we sometimes have outside of our relationship? When our time, interest, affection, all the emotional resources belong to someone else but our partner, be it a colleague, old or new friend, client, stray acquaintance, or whoever they may be.
Entering a committed relationship doesn’t suggest that you break off with your friends of the opposite sex or don’t let new people in your life. Together with it, commitment presupposes that your S.O. is the only person with whom you create both emotional and physical intimacy.
Certainly, close and platonic friendship is what you can juggle with in front of suspicious eyes of your current partner.
This is not to say that cross-sex friendships are thin on the ground. But the point is that a friendship, in its pure form, excludes sexual chemistry. You may love your opposite-sex friends but you don’t want them. As soon as you start feeling a sexual urge to someone else, you’re a step away from the slippery slope of emotional infidelity.
If you’re playing out erotic fantasies or dialogues in your head, thinking about this someone new daily, sending flirty texts or itching for a reason to meet up – this is far from innocent, even though you haven’t got physical yet.
Still feeling guilt-free because there is no sex outside of your relationship?
Be aware that in the emotional affair you create a bond with another person, though without jumping in the sack at once. In this way, you are steadily driving your current partner into the love triangle.
The boundaries between a boy-girl friendship and an emotional affair, with physical connection following it, are very often blurred. So migrating from one to the next is just about timing.
How to tell the difference then?
8 Red Flags Of Emotional Cheating
You exchange messages of sexually implicit or even explicit content. Besides, all your devices are password protected and you care not to type the passwords in when your partner is around.
2. Fussing over the phone
You are constantly keeping an eye on the phone, carrying it around all the time – even to the bathroom; you turn the ringer off, answer calls only when the partner is away or cannot hear you – all this gives additional ground for questioning the purity of your intentions.
3. Deleting calls and messages
If it’s not a force of habit to delete calls and messages but you do it selectively for your partner – the threat of a breakup is looming on the horizon.
4. Keeping profile on dating apps
To commit to someone and maintain activity on, let’s say, Tinder, are two conflicting strategies. If you still keep your profile on dating apps – commitment is out of the question.
5. Lying about the level of closeness with someone else
If you deliberately downplay the level of closeness with another person in the eyes of your partner, you already feel that you’re improperly close with somebody else, so that it may hurt your beloved other.
6. Looking for emotional support out of the relationship
Sharing what’s important for you or some intimate details with someone else also indicates that something untoward is going on in your current relationship.
7. Complaining about your partner to someone else
You occasionally vent about your relationship issues to another person, in this way fouling your own nest.
8. Putting someone else’s interests before your partner’s
Who comes first for you? Your partner or a new crush? If you subliminally put your new passion first, it’s a clear indicator that emotional cheating may be taking place.
Illusion Of Diversity
We are all deluded by the fact that this world is so abundant that there is no need to value what we have, as we can always reach for something at last fulfilling our dreams. We are in a permanent search of ideals and we firmly believe that we have to grab every seemingly better chance.
Surely, how can you resist carnal or spiritual leanings towards someone new looking better, slimmer, stronger than your current flame? They spark your interest, turn you on, inspire and motivate for higher heights.
You are occasionally tempted by the ephemeral surplus of choices, being ready to establish more and more bonds. In the meantime, someone else suffers from the same illusion and we ourselves may not meet their expectations.
What if we were intent on doing our best with the current choice – the actual partner we have? If we invested more in our current relationship – emotionally and physically, we would be more content with what we have here and now.
When you feel like the supply of potential partners is infinite, you cannot take your current relationship too seriously. Therefore, it seems rational first to sort yourself out.
How To Nip An Emotional Affair In The Bud?
1. Be open and clear with your partner about what you are missing in your bond: sometimes a conversation can help fix things up. Vent about what you need – it will be the first step to establish emotional intimacy.
2. Do not deliberately put yourself in situations of temptation, such as staying alone with an opposite-sex friend in particular settings, provoking you to cross the line of appropriateness.
3. Stop investing time, attention and affection in another person you are having an emotional affair with. Instead, put your resources into your partner.
4. Keep in mind that a fulfilling relationship is fostered not found: on the later stages relationships require mutual effort, work and attention. Unless you care for it, everything may go down the drain.
5. Develop strategies for the recovery of your relationship together: think of the solutions that may help you restore intimacy and affection in your bond, it may be a vacation together or a single romantic evening.
6. Give a word that you will put the brakes on the affair you are having or your partner will promise to cut off his or her ties.
7. Consider seeing a couples therapist if nothing else seems to help.
8. Brace for the fact that recovery of emotional intimacy may take a lasting period of time.
9. Catch yourself at every intention to create a secret. Mind that whatever the devil does, he does it in darkness.
Grand Castles In The Air
Very often crushes have more to do with fantasies than reality. You were feeling bored, there was no enough dopamine produced in response to your S.O., your mind quickly invented a new prospect promising you new emotions and indulgements. The prospect of a new relationship breathes flesh to your bones. But be aware that once you start a new relationship – everything will soon go around the circle.
Will you let a new dopamine rush destroy your commitment?
Who’s More Hurt?
The conclusion from the scientific research on sexual behavior is the following:
Women are more hurt by emotional infidelity of their partners.
Men are mostly wounded by sexual contacts their partners have outside the relationship.
Assumingly, it all boils down to the evolution plans: sexual intercourse entails reproduction, therefore men are afraid to provide for other males’ offspring, whereas matters of the heart are a key concern for women.
Bear this in mind that trust is a very fragile thing, once it’s betrayed – you may have a hard time winning it back.
For some people cheating, though not physical, may be a total dealbreaker. So if you place value on your partner, take care not to play a double game.
Are you faithful – till death do you part?